i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
