That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
