Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
