He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
