How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize