There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
