Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
