That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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