In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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