This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
