Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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