I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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