At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
