sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
