I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize