I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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