I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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