guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Text me some of your sweat
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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