He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
