So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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