u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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