i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
