Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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