I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
