True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He? As in you personified your dick?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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