I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
