so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Come on in and take your pants off
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