We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
