well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize