Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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