if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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