I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
