If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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