You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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