my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Randomize
