u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
