from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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