if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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