great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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