i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
