I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
