Having a random hookup so left but love u
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
