you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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