Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
