i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
