I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
