Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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