He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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