So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize