I accidentally had phone sex last night
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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