the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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