cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
