Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
