i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
