he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
