it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
