Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
