I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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