Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
