I checked into jail on foursquare
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
