I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Im part way to drunk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
