u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
