Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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