Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
