Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
