Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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