How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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