Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
