i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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