insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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